You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
