I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
