you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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