I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
