I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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