I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
you inspire me to be a worse person
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
