You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
