We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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