dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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