How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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