Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
