You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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