i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
