can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
