Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
my being single is dangerous.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
