I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
