whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Someone stole a lamp last night.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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