Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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