You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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