I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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