K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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