Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
