Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Do you have feelings for this penis?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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