mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
