i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
