And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
