3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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