I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
