I cannot find my penis.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
