Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
