I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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