fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
