My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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