if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
