dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
