just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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