Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
