Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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