It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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