where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
so much tequila, so little girl.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
