My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
