I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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