There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
