I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
