i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
