i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
