would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
