Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
