Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
