You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
