Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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