if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
