Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
