SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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