I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
