i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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