Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
