hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
