that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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