The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
