Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Randomize
