fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
