it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
