In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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