I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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