He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize