She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
