he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
