Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
