My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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